what would you wish for…
I know lots of people get into that occasional conversation “what you would do if you won the lottery”. In fact, I think that recently more people have probably gotten drawn into that hope and conversation.
And I don’t think it is greed-driven at all. Mostly, it’s a wish for security. I know that’s what I wish for.
I don’t have very much: I have a college education, that I’m still paying for. I’m slowly making my way through grad school so that I won’t have much more debt afterwards (there’s nothing I want more, than to be debt-free). I gave up on finding someone to share my life with a number of years ago (there’s nothing like learning by non-experience!). And so I’ve basically given up the hope of one day having kids as well. I can’t afford to travel. I can’t afford a house.
But I have some very good friends and family that I love.
So when I think about winning the lottery, I think about paying my school loan. Paying any debt my family has. Paying debts for close friends, if they have any. I want that security and I want those around me to have that security.
But once that is done, I dream of a little house – craftsman bungalow, but the older style, not the more “modern” version. Made energy- and space-efficient. Off the grid, with solar, geo-thermal and any other non-carbon energy sources. Lots of nooks and crannies, and built-in bookcases, fireplaces and an open kitchen. Built on a rise above a trout stream, with a garden to the side and orchard trees.
Other people want big mac-mansions and fancy cars. I just want security and obscurity; and space.
So often I have to sigh and tuck that thought away because it is so far away from reality it hurts to conjure an image in my head.
As for travel – I don’t even like to look at pictures of other locales for very long because there’s not point of even thinking about it.
Part of me tells me that someday God will bless me with one of my dreams – at least. I mean I’ve waited and waited for the things most people get with life: promises of love and family. I’ve tried my hand at a number of things and never been successful at any. So why wouldn’t I get some of that security?
Another part tells me He’s already given me enough with salvation, and really I didn’t deserve even that. So why would I get earthly peace of mind, when eternal peace of mind is really not that far way?
I guess I’m just human and greedy enough to wish for both.
Funny how we don’t get what we wish for.
